Fuck your mother, father Monday September 20 2010, 18:34 hours. Hey, dude, long ago you did not know. I knew you were sick, but I did not visit. I said, this company will be fine. I did not want to see you because we never understood and I felt that we were far better. And now. That was my decision. The problem is that after being away from you now ceased to be my decision. Rest in peace, Mr. Miguel Angel Sierra Martínez, Dad.
20:41. I always wanted to love me, win your love, make you feel proud of me. I guess I thought I'd make it someday. Would do many things because they'd say: ah, millet did not go so stupid after all. And now, just because you're not.
21:04. Many years ago, the last time I saw you, I think, saw me and told me: why do not you give me a hug? Come, give me a hug. And I gave it and I began to mourn. You know why? Because always, despite everything, I loved you, Dad.
21:05. Fuck your mom, dad. You go out to the yard. Why should you die now? Net you leave.
21:13. When my mom told you I was gay, you told me about and tried to make a joke about whether to go, from that moment, to urinate at the women's bathrooms. I hated you. I felt stupid and ridiculous comment. Now, however, I think maybe it was your way of saying everything is fine.
21:16. How I would like to say goodbye, say that despite what asshole you were many times, I appreciate those details, here and there, you had me. Like when we watched cartoons together ... Like when I did that joke in front of my friend Panchito ... Like when I fell asleep in the car and you took me in his arms until my bed ...
21:46. And the airplane window, I taught the city. I had no more than five years and what I found incredible. Wow, Dad. Dad. Plane. City.
21:52. What if we play to begin again? I go back to being a kid, and you come back to be my dad. But now we do it right. I'll be a good son, and thou shalt be the best dad.
22:25. You were so great, so strong, so powerful that I could not dare confess it-now-I see you reduced the disease by killing ended. You were right: I am a coward.
22:33. I thought you had said it all when that day, face to face, I told you you were not a good father. But I was wrong: I forgot to confess how much I still loved you.
22:59. And some said I was full of resentment against my father and that was not good. And others said you had what you deserve and should not mourn. And here I am feeling the worst and most stupid at a time.
23:02. Hi, Dad. Let's get a bit, okay? I stopped being so mariconcito and delicate, and you tell me from time to time that you're proud of me.
23:05. And my life became a continuous search for men like you, despise me to try, at any cost, to conquer. And never did it, just like you.
23:27. On my last birthday, two and half months ago, I wrote: "When I was little, my dad told me: Each week, we bring together a screw until a day in which we can build a robotino. What the robotino never happened, is true, but there I learned that little by little, you can achieve your dreams. And I have so many robotino to build yet! ".
23:40. I think that at some point, you said Ivan. And maybe you did not say more, but I wonder. And maybe also something I thought we lived together, something stupid, and you said my son. And maybe none of this happened, but I still want to believe.
23:48. You once told me: Talk to your brother, and me: Luis, this is your dad. But I listened and reproaches: "I am also your father? And I answered then, but I do now ... Dad.
23:49. I have dream. And, as you are also sleeping, I suggest that we are out there. In one of these, we set our differences and go back to being a father and son. Do you agree?
Tuesday 21, 2:30 pm. The world is slowly ending.
2:37. What do I do with my mistakes? Where am I going with all my mistakes? Who will deal with my absences and omissions? Where will dilute all my experiences? What ash left after the big fire? What minute silence me again I come from?
2:44. Maybe, instead of seeing you as a parent, I became a character. A flat character, one-dimensional. A villain touch simpleton whose only desire was assaulting me. I saw you, Dad. And maybe I never knew if you loved you too, if you too once were afraid, if you occasionally had any illusions.
5:01. It is exactly five o'clock. I'm in Mexico City from where, just at this time, get a flight to Hermosillo. I'm in bed trying to sleep, but I can not. Nor can I go to Hermosillo to lay the remains of her who was my father. I'm here, simply. Here.
Thursday 23, 1:41 pm. Now spoke to who was the wife of my dad after my mom, and assured me that this man who always said I had destroyed the self-esteem did nothing but talk about me like a typical dad proud of his son.